A robber breaks into a home and hears a voice say, “Jesus is watching you.”
Startled, he asks, “Who said that?”
Again, the voice says, “Jesus is watching you.”
The robber turns around to see a parrot. He asks the parrot what his name is. The parrot replies, “Cornelius.”
The robber asks, “Who names a parrot ‘Cornelius’?”
The parrot replies, “The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus.”
<div style=”font-size:0.8em; width: 400px; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold”><div style=”background: url(http://www.gadzoo.com/images/pets/ContestTheme/5/Widget/HeaderTop.jpg) no-repeat; height: 17px”></div><div style=”background: url(http://www.gadzoo.com/images/pets/ContestTheme/5/Widget/HeaderBackground.jpg) repeat-y”><div style=”color: white; font-size: 1.4em; font-weight: bold; padding: 0.1em 0.5em”>Marley & Me - Cutest Pets</div></div><div style=”background: url(http://www.gadzoo.com/images/pets/ContestTheme/5/Widget/HeaderBottom.jpg) no-repeat left; font-size: .01em; height: 7px “></div><div style=”background: url(http://www.gadzoo.com/images/pets/ContestTheme/5/Widget/WidgetBackground.jpg) repeat-y; width: 100%”><div style=”padding: 0px 10px;”><div style=”text-align: center; color: #4270CE; padding: 10px 0;”>Perdita and Rosemary needs your help in the Marley & Me - Cutest Pets photo contest. <a href=”http://www.gadzoo.com/BaltimoreSun/contest/ContestRatePhoto.aspx?contestId=207&contestEntryId=14965”>Vote Now!</a></div><div style=”float: left; width: 250px;”><a href=”http://www.gadzoo.com/BaltimoreSun/contest/ContestRatePhoto.aspx?contestId=207&contestEntryId=14965”><img style=”border-width: 0px;” src=”http://mi-cache.legacy.com/legacy/multimedia/GadzooContestPhotos/207/d7710087-14f5-4e59-91fc-78bed5bc968f-LARGE.jpg” /></a></div><div style=”float: left; width: 130px”><div style=”margin: 1em 0.5em”><div style=”color: #666; font-size: 1em; font-weight: bold”>Pets Name</div><div style=”color: #4270CE; font-size: 1em; font-weight: bold”>Perdita and Rosemary</div></div><div style=”margin: 1em 0.5em”><div style=”color: #666; font-size: 1em; font-weight: bold”>Submitted By</div><div style=”color: #4270CE; font-size: 1em; font-weight: bold”>Tim S.</div></div><div style=”text-align: center; margin: 2em 0.5em”><a href=”http://www.gadzoo.com/BaltimoreSun/contest/ContestRatePhoto.aspx?contestId=207&contestEntryId=14965”><img style=”border-width: 0px” src=”http://www.gadzoo.com/images/pets/ContestTheme/5/Widget/EntryButton-RateMyPhoto.jpg” /></a></div></div><div style=”clear: both”></div></div><div style=”position: relative; left: 335px;”><img style=”vertical-align: bottom” src=”http://www.gadzoo.com/images/pets/ContestTheme/5/Widget/Logo.jpg” /></div></div><div style=”background: url(http://www.gadzoo.com/images/pets/ContestTheme/5/Widget/WidgetBottom.jpg) no-repeat; height: 10px”></div></div>
An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady.
He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house. The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
Comedy Central Daily Joke of Day
http://honesttoblogb.blogspot.com/2008/12/story-of-creation-as-told-by-dachshund.html
wow - this just makes my toes feel real cold!
My friend is nice.
We like to play
We play together every day.
We laugh and cry
And laugh again
Because, you see, we’re
Friends
Friends
Friends!
Paying homage to my reptilian friends!
Why did the turtle Cross the road?
To get to the ”Shell” station!
Comedy Central Daily Joke,
What do you call a dog that hears voices?
A Shih-Tzu-Phrenic!
Comedy Central Daily Joke
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
(not even half a snort)
Comedy Central Daily Joke
Two bats are going for their midnight feed.
After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.
The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, “Where did you get all that blood from?”
The second bat replies, “Follow me. I`ll show you.”
After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, “You see that wall over there?”
The hungry bat excitedly says, “Yes!”
Other bat says, “I didn’t.”
Comedy Central Daily Joke of the day
